A snippet of vulnerability

Hello lovely reader, I’m not sure if this is a wise or bad decision but…

When I started my blog it was because I made the choice to attempt dry January, many of you may know that. The first few posts I wrote were when I was analysing my relationship with alcohol. It wasn’t a positive relationship by a long shot. I wanted to change that relationship, no actually I NEEDED to change that relationship.

I accomplished dry January and continued the no-wine theme through February and I haven’t touched a drop since my one night ‘getting used to it” blip on 2nd January. To be honest with you sometimes I do think how lovely it would be to have a glass of wine in the garden, or with dinner, or while chatting with a friend. The problem I have is that I don’t know if it is a very good idea or not because I might like it too much and get back into the habit of drinking every day which wouldn’t do me any favours in the slightest and would put me back to square one – which isn’t a place I want to be.

Anyway I wrote a few posts, which weren’t great but they are honest. From a writer’s point of view they are raw and a bit rough around the edges. Earlier in the year I went through a little stage of feeling embarrassed about how much I had been drinking previously and because my blog has a positive vibe I decided to make all those posts that I wrote at the beginning private.

I have been revamping my blog a little bit over the last few days and while I was in my dashboard I saw those private posts and thought I’d make them public again and insert them into my sobriety section. Whether you can get understand this or not, I don’t know but it makes me feel a little vulnerable because it’s talking about something that I would have avoided admitting as much as possible.

This time of year there are lots of Christmas parties, get togethers, nights out and celebrations. I don’t know whether I will fancy having a drink over Christmas or not so I’m going to read these posts to remind myself – hopefully – that I can still enjoy myself if I drink sparkling water or juice and soda and that I don’t need to have a few glasses of wine to have a good time!

I think people who recognise that they have a bad relationship with alcohol might understand the vulnerability I feel talking about it but it is a struggle still and is often so tempting to have a glass of wine. It’s just the consequences of that and what might happen that concern me.

I need to remind myself how cleansed and refreshed I will feel if I choose to abstain on my nights out, as opposed to feeling dehydrated, bloated and sluggish afterwards. I need to constantly tell myself this, I think and also remind myself that if I have a few glasses of wine I will have the most almighty hangover in the morning. Hopefully that should be enough of a deterrent.

I hope that people won’t judge me, because I feel vulnerable putting it out there again, but hey it might even help someone else in the same boat – I hope so!

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